 | Why do roaches like to
live in other people's homes? |
| Because they don't have
to pay rent. |
| What does Christmas have
to do with a cat in a desert? |
| They both have sandy claws.
|
| What is an owl's favourite
subject? |
| Owlgebra.
|
| Why shouldn't you put an
ad in the paper if your dog is lost?
|
| Because dogs can't read.
|
| What is a chimps favourite
snack? |
| Chocolate chimp cookies.
|
| How does a basket ball
player stay cool? |
| He stands by a fan.
|
| What do you get when you
cross a werewolf with an octopus? |
| A fur coat with a lot of
sleeves. |
| What word begins with e
and has only one letter in it? |
| Envelope. |
| What do you call a dismal
dog? |
| A grey hound.
|
| What figures do the most
walking? |
| Roman numerals.
|
| How do you get an elephant
to follow you? |
| Act like a nut.
|
| If a king sits on gold,
who sits on silver? |
| The lone ranger.
|
| What do bunnies say on
January 1? |
| Hoppy new year.
|
GEORGE:
What did you do in the test?
BILL:
Nothing. I didn't write a word. What did you do?
GEORGE:
I did nothing. I left the paper blank.
Bill:
Oh no! The teacher will think that I've cheated from you!
| What kind of banks do alligators
use? |
| River banks. |
| How many Californians does
it take to change a light bulb? |
| Six. One to turn the bulb,
one for support, and four to relate to the experience. |
| Man:-Haven't I seen you
someplace before? |
| Woman:-Yeah, that's why
I don't go there anymore. |
A
boy called Nothing was walking with his
friend
called Crazy. Nothing fell in a hole.
Crazy
phoned the police and said,
“Nothing
fell in a hole!”
“Are
you crazy?” asked the police.
“How
did you know!!!”
| What did the light bulb
say to the switch? |
| You turn me on.
|
| How many Oregonians does
it take to change a light bulb? |
| Five. One to turn the bulb,
and four to chase away the Californians who have come to relate to the
experience. |
|
When does Christmas come
before Thanksgiving? |
|
In a dictionary.
|
Wife:
How much did this coat cost you, dear?
Husband:
Three years of prison!
| Man:-Is this seat empty?
|
| Woman:-Yes, and this one
will be too if you sit down. |
| What has four wheels and
flies? |
| A garbage truck.
|
|
How many New Yorkers does
it take to change a light bulb? |
|
Fifty. Fifty? Yeah, fifty!
It's in the contract! |
George:
If there are 25 students
and
one will be absent how many
will
there be in your class?
Bill:
I don't know because I will be absent for sure!!
|
What do you call a chicken
crossing the road? |
|
Poultry in motion.
. |
Man:-Your place or mine?
Woman:-Both. You go to
your place, and I'll go to mine.
|
Why is a calendar so sad?
|
|
Because its days are numbered.
|
| -Why
did the monkey fall out of a tree?
|
|
-Because
he was dead. |
|
|
How many straight, normal
San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
|
|
|
Both of them.
|
|
| What do you call it when
one cat sues another? |
|
| A clawsuit. |
|
|
Man:-I would go to the
end of the world for you. |
|
|
Woman:-Yes, but would you
stay there? |
|
| -Why
did the coat fall out of the tree? |
|
| -Because
it was stuck to the monkey. |
|
|
Why did the jelly role?
|
|
|
Because it saw the apple
turn over. |
|
| How many folk singers does
it take to change a light bulb? |
|
| Two. One to change the
bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old one was. |
|
| Did you hear about the depressed archaeologist? |
|
| His life was in ruins. |
|
|
-Why
did the tree fall over?
|
|
|
-Because
it thought it was a game!
|
|
|
Man:-May I have the last
dance? |
|
|
Woman:-You've just had
it. |
|
| What's better than a talking
dog? |
|
| A spelling bee. |
|
| How many psychologists
does it take to change a light bulb? |
|
| None. The light bulb will
change itself when it is ready. |
George:
I have a plan to run away from prison!
Bill:
What is it?
George:
We punch the policeman and run away.
When
George and Bill went out, they didn't find policeman.
George:
Oh no! The plan failed!
| Man:-I'd go through anything
for you. |
| Woman:-Let's start with
your bank account. |
|
What has two arms but can't
raise them? |
|
a chair.
|
|
How many people from New
Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
|
|
Three. One to change the
bulb, one to witness, and one to shoot the witness.
|
Dad:
I usedto work in Christmas
as Santa
Clause but they sacked me.
Son:
Why are you happy?
Dad:
It was full of presents!
NEXT... |
