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bulletWhat are the strongest days of the week?
bulletSaturday and Sunday, the rest are all week days.

Man:-I can tell that you want me.

Woman:-Yes, I want you to leave.

bulletHow many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
bulletNone. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

bulletWhich brand of underwear does King Tut like best?
bulletFruit of the tomb.

Man:-You look like a dream.

Woman:-Go back to sleep.

bulletWhat colour do you paint the sun and the wind?
bulletThe sun rose, and the wind blue.

bullet -Knock! Knock!
bullet -Who's there?
bullet -Cow.
bullet -Cow who?
bullet -Cows don't hoo, they moo!

bulletHow many Real Women does it take to change a light bulb?
bulletNone. A Real Woman would have lots of Real Men around to change it.

Man:-Your hair colour is fabulous.

Woman:-Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

bulletHow many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
bulletHow many can you afford?

Teacher: Did you answer the6 questions I gave you?

Student: Thefirst 2 questionswere too easy, soI didn't answer them. The last 2 questions were toodifficultsoIdidn't answer them.

Teacher: What about the3rd and4th questions?

Student:I didn't have time to do them!

bulletWhat does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants coming towards him?
bulletThere are a herd of elephants coming towards me.

bulletWhy do beach combers never starve at the beach?
bulletBecause of all the sand-which-is there.
bulletWhat did the baby light bulb say to its mother?
bulletI wuv you watts and watts.

bulletWhat do bulls write letters with?
bulletA bullpen.

bulletHow many vampires does it take to put in a light bulb?
bulletNone, vampires like the dark.

A: Who didn't invent the aeroplane?

B: The Wrong Brothers

POLICEMAN: Why did you steal the food?

THIEF: Because I was hungry.

POLICEMAN: Why did you steal the money?

THIEF: To pay the restaurant!

One day, a new teacher entered a classroom. He asked the students, "Do you know what I am going to teach you today?" "Yes, sir," they replied. "Why should I teach you if you know everything?" The teacher decided to leave the class. On the next day, he asked, "Do you know what I am going to teach you today?" "No, sir" they replied. "Why should I teach a class who doesn't know anything?" The teacher left the classroom. On the third day, the students made a plan. "Do you know what I am going to teach you today?" Some students said, "Yes," and some said, "No." "OK! The people who know can teach the people who don't know!"

Master: Peter, go to Mr. Parker and fix his bell.

Peter went to Mr. Parker's house and rang the bell.

Peter: No one is in the house. I will go home!

Teacher: Did you answer the 6 questions I gave you?

Student: The first 2 questions were too easy, so I didn't answer them. The last 2 questions were too difficult so I didn't answer them.

Teacher: What about the 3rd and 4th questions?

Student: I didn't have time to do them!

Man:-May I see you pretty soon?

Woman:-Don't you think I'm pretty now?

bulletHow many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
bulletWhat kind of answer have you got in mind?

bulletWhy did Mr. Stupid tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
bulletHe didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

An Indian maid, who couldn't speak in English, worked for an English woman. When the woman was in the toilet, her friends arrived but the maid didn't know what to say. "Next time say, 'She- is- in- the-toi-let," said the woman. On the next day, the woman's chickens were laying eggs but the maid didn't know what to say to the farmer. The woman told her,"Next time, say, 'The- chick-ens- are –lay-ing –eggs." On the third day, the woman's driver was exceeding the speed limit but the maid didn't know what to say. The English woman told her, "Next time, say, 'The – car – is – tra-vel-ling – at – a – speed – of – 150km/h." On the fourth day, the English woman was in the toilet when her friends knocked on the door. The maid opened the door and said, "The- woman- is- in-the-toilet-laying-eggs-at-the-speed-of- 150km/h!"

bulletWhy didn't the skeleton ask his girl friend to the dance?
bulletBecause he didn't have any guts.

bulletWhy do bananas put on suntan lotion?
bulletTo keep from peeling.

Why is a room full of married people empty?

Because there's not a single person in it.

Albert and John were walking in the street before they saw someone lying on the ground. "That's Robert, right?" asked John. "Yes, that's him. Let's send him home."

They carried him and went to a building. "That's where Robert lives, right?" "Yes!"

They entered the building and went to the 2nd floor. "He lives on that floor, right?" "Yes."

They walked to a door. "That's his flat, right?" "Yes."

They opened the door and entered a room. "That's his bedroom, right?" "Yes."

They put him there and left.

They walked on a road before they saw Robert again. "That's Robert, right?" asked John. "Yes, that's him. Let's send him home."

They went to a building. "That's where Robert lives, right?" "Yes!"

They entered the building and went to the 2nd floor. "He lives on that floor, right?" "Yes."

They walked to a door. "That's his flat, right?" "Yes."

They opened the door and entered a room. "That's his bedroom, right?" "Yes."

They put him there and left.

They walked on a road again before they saw Robert. "Oh, no! Robert again?" "You're right! Let's go and ask someone."

They walked to a person and asked him: "That's Robert, right?" asked John. "Yes, that's him. "

They went to a building. "That's where Robert lives, right?" "Yes!" They entered the building and went to the 2nd floor. "He lives on that floor, right?" "Yes." They walked to a door. "That's his flat, right?" "Yes." They opened the door and entered a room. "That's his bedroom, right?" "No, that's the balcony!"

A man called George was dying in a hospital. His parents, grand parents, great grand parents and his great great grand parents (who were probably dead) were anxious. His wife, son, daughter, brother and sister were (I think) anxious too. Next to George were his best friends, Alan and Robert. George was choking and trembling at the same time. He was unable to talk. He used sign language to ask Alan to bring a pencil and paper. Alan hesitated. He thought for a few hours before he decided to bring a piece of paper and a pencil. When he did that, George wrote something on the paper. After a few seconds, he died. Alan, Robert, George's brother, sister, wife and grand parents started crying. After the funeral, Robert asked Alan to read the paper. However, Alan lost it. After four months, twelve days, thirteen hours, 24 minutes and 54 seconds, Alan found the paper in his drawer. The note said, " Alan, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"

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