Man:-I can tell that you want me.

Woman:-Yes, I want you to leave.

Man:-You look like a dream.

Woman:-Go back to sleep.

Teacher: Did you answer the6 questions I gave you?

Student: Thefirst 2 questionswere too easy, soI didn't answer them. The last 2 questions were toodifficultsoIdidn't answer them.

Teacher: What about the3^rd and4^th questions?

Student:I didn't have time to do them!

A: Who didn't invent the aeroplane?

B: The Wrong Brothers

POLICEMAN: Why did you steal the food?

THIEF: Because I was hungry.

POLICEMAN: Why did you steal the money?

THIEF: To pay the restaurant!

One day, a new teacher entered a classroom. He asked the students, "Do you know what I am going to teach you today?" "Yes, sir," they replied. "Why should I teach you if you know everything?" The teacher decided to leave the class. On the next day, he asked, "Do you know what I am going to teach you today?" "No, sir" they replied. "Why should I teach a class who doesn't know anything?" The teacher left the classroom. On the third day, the students made a plan. "Do you know what I am going to teach you today?" Some students said, "Yes," and some said, "No." "OK! The people who know can teach the people who don't know!"

Master: Peter, go to Mr. Parker and fix his bell.

Peter went to Mr. Parker's house and rang the bell.

Peter: No one is in the house. I will go home!

Teacher: Did you answer the 6 questions I gave you?

Student: The first 2 questions were too easy, so I didn't answer them. The last 2 questions were too difficult so I didn't answer them.

Teacher: What about the 3rd and 4th questions?

Student: I didn't have time to do them!

Man:-May I see you pretty soon?

Woman:-Don't you think I'm pretty now?

An Indian maid, who couldn't speak in English, worked for an English woman. When the woman was in the toilet, her friends arrived but the maid didn't know what to say. "Next time say, 'She- is- in- the-toi-let," said the woman. On the next day, the woman's chickens were laying eggs but the maid didn't know what to say to the farmer. The woman told her,"Next time, say, 'The- chick-ens- are –lay-ing –eggs." On the third day, the woman's driver was exceeding the speed limit but the maid didn't know what to say. The English woman told her, "Next time, say, 'The – car – is – tra-vel-ling – at – a – speed – of – 150km/h." On the fourth day, the English woman was in the toilet when her friends knocked on the door. The maid opened the door and said, "The- woman- is- in-the-toilet-laying-eggs-at-the-speed-of- 150km/h!"

Why is a room full of married people empty?

Because there's not a single person in it.

Albert and John were walking in the street before they saw someone lying on the ground. "That's Robert, right?" asked John. "Yes, that's him. Let's send him home."

They carried him and went to a building. "That's where Robert lives, right?" "Yes!"

They entered the building and went to the 2nd floor. "He lives on that floor, right?" "Yes."

They walked to a door. "That's his flat, right?" "Yes."

They opened the door and entered a room. "That's his bedroom, right?" "Yes."

They put him there and left.

They walked on a road before they saw Robert again. "That's Robert, right?" asked John. "Yes, that's him. Let's send him home."

They went to a building. "That's where Robert lives, right?" "Yes!"

They entered the building and went to the 2nd floor. "He lives on that floor, right?" "Yes."

They walked to a door. "That's his flat, right?" "Yes."

They opened the door and entered a room. "That's his bedroom, right?" "Yes."

They put him there and left.

They walked on a road again before they saw Robert. "Oh, no! Robert again?" "You're right! Let's go and ask someone."

They walked to a person and asked him: "That's Robert, right?" asked John. "Yes, that's him. "

They went to a building. "That's where Robert lives, right?" "Yes!" They entered the building and went to the 2nd floor. "He lives on that floor, right?" "Yes." They walked to a door. "That's his flat, right?" "Yes." They opened the door and entered a room. "That's his bedroom, right?" "No, that's the balcony!"

A man called George was dying in a hospital. His parents, grand parents, great grand parents and his great great grand parents (who were probably dead) were anxious. His wife, son, daughter, brother and sister were (I think) anxious too. Next to George were his best friends, Alan and Robert. George was choking and trembling at the same time. He was unable to talk. He used sign language to ask Alan to bring a pencil and paper. Alan hesitated. He thought for a few hours before he decided to bring a piece of paper and a pencil. When he did that, George wrote something on the paper. After a few seconds, he died. Alan, Robert, George's brother, sister, wife and grand parents started crying. After the funeral, Robert asked Alan to read the paper. However, Alan lost it. After four months, twelve days, thirteen hours, 24 minutes and 54 seconds, Alan found the paper in his drawer. The note said, " Alan, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"